Modus Operandi: 10 Reasons to Marry a Lawyer

Convicted long ago in the court of public opinion, lawyers have been getting the short end of the PR stick for way too long. Ostracized and denigrated to the extent that even Suits and Boston Legal haven’t been able to redeem our status. Our going may never get as good as architects, who have been monopolizing eligible bachelor roles in every romcom for the last 20 years..However, it is time we dragged our overbilling behinds out of the social sewer to reclaim our rightful positions in society to someplace higher than those self absorbed B-school grads..I would like to clarify in advance that that I have undertaken no research and applied minimal mind to this highly facetious list of reasons to marry a lawyer. So, in no particular order of priority, here are the top 10 reasons:.10. Small Print.Would you bother to struggle with choux pastry if you were married to a Master Chef? Alright so we may not have any such superpowers, in the complete absence of conventionally attractive traits like bravery or selflessness we still have something to offer. Lawyers are trained in the fine art of legalese, sure it won’t make your heart skip a beat or put a bounce in your step, but it can give your quality of life a big bump up. Put your feet up and chuck every insurance policy, set of terms and conditions and warranty booklet that life throws your way at the law school grad in your life..9. Party Like It’s Law School.Popular wisdom dictates we should look for significant others with a satisfying career. This is fundamentally illogical. What’s the point of being with someone who may prioritize their job over you? Especially if, god forbid, it’s also their passion. On the other hand if you’re with someone who can’t wait to get away from office, like most lawyers, you’ll have a loving and supportive spouse who’ll be happy to hold your hand through every party/ holiday plan you come up with..8. The Question of Space.One of the reasons your lawyer soul mate is always up for a party is because we have no control over our work timings. Diligences will start the night before the holiday you spent months planning, clients will call when you step out for dinner and we check our inboxes more often than most addicts take a hit. With time we learn to live it up every free moment we get because we aren’t entirely sure when the next one will roll around. The other consequence is that our job keeps us out of your hair. Any concerns about emotional claustrophobia or another life taking yours over can be checked at the door when entering a lawyer’s life..7. Making an Appearance.Meeting the people in your significant other’s life is an important step and one we’ve got covered. Over the years every lawyer learns to put on a people face. It’s the one we use for irascible clients, overcompensating colleagues and evil bosses. The mask hides all traces of individual personality making us likable to even the most cantankerous dregs of society, so your judge-y parents and bitchy school friends should be a piece of cake. It does double duty by also hiding hangovers (this is helpful in the context of point 9 above)..6. Gossip Girls and Boys.Worried that with time those endless phone conversations will wind down? That those evenings filled with laughter and wit will quieten? They won’t if you pick a lawyer. The law school fraternity is a small but vibrant community of screw ups who will stand up and gossip through humanity’s darkest hour. Or provide fodder at the very least. Integrate yourself with this lovely collection of scandalmongers, backbiters, tattletales and busybodies and be assured that the well of conversation may be poisoned but will never run dry..5. The Retirement Fund.Not familiar with mutual funds, fixed deposits, systematic investment plans or whatever savings plan that annoying teleprompter is trying to sign you up to? No need to upset yourself, you’ve identified one of the few professions from which practitioners need never retire. In fact, the older and closer to senility we get, the more people want to pay us. Go ahead, charge it to your credit card..4. Take a Picture.So you’ve already decided to commit to a representative of the legal fraternity. But you’reworried about the costs of a wedding photographer? No other demographic has as many DSLRs per head, nor such a high percentage of photography enthusiasts. Recruit half a dozen for the occasion and with all that lens power they should be able to manage a handful of respectable shots between them, whether by accident or design..3. Pimp ‘em Out.Need to curry favor with someone in your life? Pimp out your favourite lawyer’s services for free! Everyone needs legal advice these days and nobody actually likes having to pay us. Your aunt’s lease agreement, your best friend’s employment contract, your grandparent’s will – forward them all on and bask in the appreciation..2. Back to Black.Ridiculed for years as the losers with the typewriters, drinking tea outside courts and generally causing trouble, we’ve come a long way. Okay, some of us are still drinking tea outside courts, the rest of us are doing it in cubicles and all of us are still causing trouble. But like 80’s fashion we’ve managed to come full circle to the point where the practice of law is no longer considered loathsome. Parents and some misguided youth seem to think our jobs aren’t so bad, so marry the lawyer in your life before they realize the truth..1. Variety and Other Spices .Have a talent? Can you sketch, take pictures, cook or write? No? Fine, even a neat handwriting should do, frankly. Most lawyers live such dry lives that even the ability to hum along to a Miley Cyrus number counts as a talent amongst us. It’s that people mask I was talking about earlier, the truth of our profession is that its rigorous practice is the antidote to any individualistic instinct. Since we’re doomed to be members of an enthusiastic audience incapable of any actual creation, nobody will appreciate your mediocre attempts at creative endeavors more. .Yashasvini Kumar graduated from NALSAR University of Law, Hyderabad and is currently working at a law firm in Delhi. In her spare time she is often cooking or writing about food at “For the Reluctant Chef“. You can read her previous column here..Lead image courtesy Vinay Aravind Images